I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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