I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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