just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
