He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
