weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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