sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude i'm inner monologue high
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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