Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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