she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
