I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i think my mom watched the whole time
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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