Sponge bath it is.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
