im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Of course I have a pirate flag
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
