whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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