Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
