well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
