I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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