my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
