My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
