Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Girls should come with a carfax report
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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