I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
