They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
