FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
