Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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