just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
