I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
