I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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