I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
