on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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