I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
