You just made me feel so damn special
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
