I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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