the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
