you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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