so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
