4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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