I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
