someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
