I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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