We're like a lot better than the average bears
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
