Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
