I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
