I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
