Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
