i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
