mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
