You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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