"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
