I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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