Where is the hickey?
i will never coherently bang her
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Bang-toberfest begins!!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
