Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
