So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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