Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
