There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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