were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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