someone threw a dead crab at me
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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