I just threw up on my dentist
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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