He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
