i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
In other news, I just burned my penis
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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