it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
