Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Are we still banned from the library?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
