i just sent this text using only my big toe
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
