covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Let the clothes fall where they may.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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