drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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