tell your sister to shave her snatch
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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