Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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