sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
